I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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