He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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