he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
50% drunk capacity currently
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
