i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
