that's an acceptable place to lick
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
