Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am available for nakedness
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
