I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
