I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
