God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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