If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize