no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
