There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
