I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
