Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
