even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
