I wish I only lived at night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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