I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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