Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
