I feel like abortions should bother me more
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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