I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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