Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
