I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
