I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
