I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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