dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
