Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Randomize
