Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
