It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
