I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Randomize
