I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
