Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
