my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
