If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm having to shit out rocks
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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