as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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