Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
