Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
