I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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