the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
