a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He better not be in your backpack
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
