hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
