I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
