just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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