Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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