Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
