Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
