Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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