Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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