I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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