she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
