I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
