That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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