I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
