he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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