and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
