I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
