He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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