Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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