a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
