things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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