Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
