Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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