Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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