I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
