i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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