I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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