Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
