On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
