oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
