Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
