Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
