I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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