if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You took a bar mat shot.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
