I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
